Dad teaches 12-year-old daughter practical skills on weekends, mom complains he's making her too masculine: 'I was undermining her feminine development'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Apr 26, 2026 7:45 PM EDT

A parent's main job is to teach their kids how to exist in the world.

This is a major responsibility, and many parents have vastly different ideas on what their children should learn from them because of that. The process of acquiring life skills doesn't stop at potty training or learning to ride a bike. There is a whole variety of things that children can figure out that will be very useful when it comes to coping with adulthood.

Young adults who are totally unprepared for the responsibilities that they have to deal with in life are either going to learn the hard way or suffer because they did not get taught certain things at a more impressionable age. A lot of people have skills they wish they'd learned much younger, but it just wasn't a priority for their parents. 

It makes those moms and dads who are proactive in this area all the more admirable. Going through the motions of keeping kids safe, healthy, and happy is difficult enough, but gifting them this extra knowledge, which they can use for the rest of their lives, is another level of dedication. Most of the time, it does not make sense to criticize it.

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  • A preteen girl with a red and blue braid in her hair sits in the doorway of a car's passenger seat, tying her shoelace
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    A preteen girl with a red and blue braid in her hair sits in the doorway of a car's passenger seat, tying her shoelace

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • In this story, a dad started teaching his preteen daughter various practical skills when she visited him on the weekends. When he had things in the house or car that needed to be fixed, he would show her how to do it and encourage her to help.

    The dad was pleased with her progress, and it seemed like his daughter really enjoyed helping him out with these various tasks. However, her mom wasn't happy when she found out what they had been up to.

    She insisted that she should stop teaching her about these things, as it was too masculine. The girl claimed that she still wanted to learn, and the dad wanted validation that he wasn't wrong for continuing to teach her.

  • Am I wrong for teaching my daughter how to change a tire and do basic home repairs when her mom says I'm "pushing masculine stuff" on her?

    I've been a single dad on weekends for about three years. My daughter is 12. She splits time between me and her mom. When she's at my place it's just us and we've got a good routine.
    via sparkle_kissessx94
  • About a year ago I started teaching her stuff. Nothing extreme. How to change a tire. How to check her own oil on a car. How to use a drill and hang a shelf. How to unclog a drain. How to use the circuit breaker. How to replace an outlet cover. Basically the stuff I had to google my way through my own 20s after I got divorced and realized I didn't know anything.
    via sparkle_kissessx94
  • I didn't make it a formal curriculum. I worked it into weekends when stuff was coming up. The drain clogged, we fixed it. A shelf needed hanging, she helped. She actually loved it. She has a little pink toolbox now she filled herself from the hardware store. She texted me last week asking if I could teach her how to patch a bike tire.
    via sparkle_kissessx94
  • Her mom found out and got mad. Sent me a multi-paragraph text about how I was "pushing masculine stuff" on our daughter and "undermining her feminine development." Said there were "other skills" girls her age should be focused on.
    via sparkle_kissessx94
  • I asked what skills. Mom said things like "home management" and "learning to host." I asked if home management included unclogging a drain. Mom said that was "beside the point."
    via sparkle_kissessx94
  • My daughter heard her mom on the phone with a friend later calling my weekends "little handyman camp." She asked me this weekend if she should stop. I said only if she wanted to. She didn't want to. AITA?
    via sparkle_kissessx94
  • Top-down view of a man with a toolbox behind him, looking under a kitchen sink
    via Curated Lifestyle (Unsplash+)

    Top-down view of a man with a toolbox behind him, looking under a kitchen sink

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Fuzzy_Professor5185 If her Mom wants her to learn about home management and learning to host she is more than welcome to do that. I think you are doing great! Lots of girls and boys too need to learn these things. You are setting your daughter up for success!
    via Fuzzy_Professor5185
  • roscoe_e_roscoe Every human should know how to do lots of stuff
    via roscoe_e_roscoe
  • JohnSMosby You are not the AH. Mom is. You're teaching her practical hands-on life experience. And you're doing it together, she likes it, she does it of her own accord, and it's great quality time with dad. If mom wants her to box her into a stupid "gender role" BS,
    via JohnSMosby
  • that's her problem, and you can sit back assured it will eventually blow up in her face. Keep going and doing fun stuff, build bird boxes, whatever, and enjoy these moments while you can.
    via JohnSMosby
  • pixyfire These are all normal adult tasks for all human beings. They're not gendered. Knowing how to change a tire could save her life one day.
    via pixyfire
  • Knowing how to do simple home repairs herself will save her a fortune over her lifetime. Sometimes it's good to remember why you got divorced from the ex. Obviously you're not on the same page about life.
    via pixyfire
  • Ladyooh NTA You are teaching your daughter important skills. She will save a ton of money, and have confidence in herself. Her mother is trying to gender lock her and that is gross.
    via Ladyooh
  • Bubbly-Welcome7122 Good on you for teaching those skills. Also, let's teach boys how to cook and do laundry.
    via Bubbly-Welcome7122
  • No_Information_8973 Keep going dad, you're doing awesome job!
    via No_Information_8973
  • TotalPuzzleheaded484 Wow, that has absolutely nothing to do with masculine or feminine. It is responsible. Everyone should know how to do those basic things.
    via TotalPuzzleheaded484
  • SunshinePrincess21 NTA. Ask mom, which is her preference, daughter changing her own tire, or sitting alone in her car at 11:00pm waiting for someone trustworthy to show up? Being at the mercy of strangers is not a feminine' trait to aspire to.
    via SunshinePrincess21
  • SpecialistFeeling220 I see why you have an ex wife.
    via SpecialistFeeling220

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family drama skills repairs parenting dad family daughter mom
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